If You Are Not LGBTQ+, You Don’t Get to Educate on LGBTQ+ Inclusivity

So I’m sitting on an LGBTQ+ inclusivity webinar right now. Literally right now. I’m writing this while I’m big mad because the person ‘educating’ me (and about 40 other wedding pros) right now is… straight.

Not only that, but she’s getting a lot of things wrong – and this miseducation is going to mean that other well-meaning straight wedding pros are also going to get it wrong.

My queer AF self is sitting here, listening to this straight woman teach people how to include my community while calling herself and her publication an ally to my LGBTQ+ family.


Straight people do not get to educate on and profit from LGBTQ+ people's lived experiences.

With recognition that our struggles are not the same, though they are very much interconnected, if this was a white woman educating on including Black clients and the lived experiences of Black people, this shit would not fly. The group who organized this talk would never, ever have brought in a white person to educate on that topic.

The group who organized this should never have brought in a straight person to educated on the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people. And a true LGBTQ+ ally, as this person claims to be, would never, ever accept such a speaking gig. Nor use it to plug her (paid) services, literally profiting off of the pain of LGBTQ+ people.

A true ally would say, “Thanks, but this work is already being done by LGBTQ+ folks. Here are some who could speak on this topic.”

So, I want to make sure everyone who needs to hear this, hears this:

Straight people do not get to educate on and profit from the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people. PERIOD.

Stay in your fucking lane. Do not speak for me and do not speak for my community about the discrimination we have faced and the oppression we have endured. Hand over the mic and pay us to speak for ourselves.

Do you want to get educated on LGBTQ+ inclusivity by actual LGBTQ+ folks? Then you should go get certified by Equally Wed Pro. (affiliate link alert: if you sign up through this link, I will receive a small commission.)

Do you need your website, contracts, and other documents reviewed by an actual LGBTQ+ person to help you make them more inclusive? I’ve got you covered.

Photos in this and all posts are published with the permission of the photographer. All images are fully protected by copyright law and may not be downloaded, copied, edited, shared, printed, or published elsewhere without explicit written authorization from the photographer.

Picture of Cindy Savage | Aisle Less Traveled

Cindy Savage | Aisle Less Traveled

Cindy Savage is the queer, fat, feminist wedding planner behind Aisle Less Traveled and the co-creator/co-host of the Super Gay Wedding podcast. When she's not busy planning unique and creative weddings for the absolute best couples around, she can usually be found wearing stretchy pants with her nose in a book or a craft project in her hands. She currently lives in Seattle with her partner and an assortment of small houseplants.

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