Use the F*ck it Bucket to Ditch Wedding Planning Stress

Have y’all heard of this thing called the fuck it bucket? It appears to have originated in a reddit thread, which begins:

Wedding is in 16 days, and we don’t have a slideshow. Guess what? That idea goes in the Fuck It Bucket. I screwed up the lettering on my card box, so now I’m gonna go buy one for $5 from Goodwill and hope everyone knows what it’s for. I’m not making a sign because that has gone in the Fuck It Bucket. Originally wanted to buy rose petals for an aisle runner, but guess where that idea went? The Fuck It Bucket. No time to contact the rental place about reducing the amount of chairs? Guess whose wedding will have extra chairs! Into the Fuck It Bucket. Gotta spend an extra whatevertheshit amount on catering for lunch while everyone gets hair and makeup done? SOMEONE GRAB THE BUCKET

Though maybe no one has ever heard of this term before, it’s immediately obvious exactly what it means. It picked up steam (because it’s useful and fun!) and ended up as the topic of a Bridechilla podcast episode, which is where I stumbled upon it.

It’s not a new concept to me; for as long as I’ve been planning weddings, I’ve been enthusiastically encouraging my clients to simplify their weddings and say no to things that aren’t important to them. But having this short, memorable phrase to sum it up and refer to all the time? I freakin’ love it!

A few things I think everyone should throw in their fuck it buckets.

What is a Fuck It Bucket?

So, what exactly is this fuck it bucket thing? Well, first of all, it’s not a real bucket – it’s an imaginary repository into which you can throw anything and everything that isn’t worth your time, money, or emotional energy. Truthfully, it doesn’t need to be limited to weddings, but let’s consider it in that context.

Bridechilla defines the fuck it bucket as:

where you put all of the jobs and things and things to buy you thought you would get around to doing before your wedding but have run out of time or care. These items are tasks are things you thought would be important at the early stages of planning but now…bye!

I think the definition should be expanded a little bit. There is absolutely no need to wait until the end stage of wedding planning to chuck things mercilessly into it!

It’s worth noting that a fuck it bucket is customized to its user. What goes in your fuck it bucket will be different than what’s in anyone else’s, and that’s as it should be. After all, you are individual humans! What goes into your wedding is up to you – and so is what you leave out.

How to Use Your Fuck It Bucket

Step 1: Decide where to keep your bucket.

Most folks are going to store the contents of their buckets in their heads, but you might find it useful – and fun – to write down the things you aren’t going to worry about. I am strongly considering getting an actual one for my office. And if I can figure out how to code it, I might make that graphic into a post of its own that y’all can use digitally just because I think that would be really freakin’ fun.

Step 2: Chuck literally* everything into the fuck it bucket.

This might sound crazy, but it’s like that strategy some people use when they move or declutter: don’t decide what to toss; decide what to keep. (What can I say? I’m a minimalist.)

Anyway, how this translates to weddings is: start with a blank slate. Throw out everything – the traditions you’ve seen your whole life, what Pinterest and wedding blogs are showing you, what your mom says you have to do, and even the wedding dreams you’ve (possibly) had in your head your whole life.

None of that shit matters. What matters is: What kind of wedding is right for the two of you? What do you care about? What will make it feel like your wedding?

Step 3: Figure out what you want to pull back out of the bucket.

Ok. Now you have a really full fuck it bucket and zero wedding plans. You may be freaking out, but you don’t need to do that.

What you need is to Create Your Wedding Manifesto.

WTF is that? It’s a mission statement of sorts. A single page summary of the top priorities that you actually care about, a summary of your wedding vibe, a list of your “Fuck yeah, we’re doing that!” and “Hell no, we are not” items.

Brilliant! Now you have a cheat sheet for every decision – and there are so many – that will come up as you plan. All you have to do is pull out your Manifesto and ask yourselves:

Does this fit with the kind of experience that we want our wedding to be? Does it create the look and feel we want our wedding to have?

Yes? Awesome. Keep it, make it, book it – you’ve got some wedding plans!

No? Chuck it directly in the fuck it bucket with no regrets.

So… What’s Going in Your Fuck It Bucket?

Photos in this and all posts are published with the permission of the photographer. All images are fully protected by copyright law and may not be downloaded, copied, edited, shared, printed, or published elsewhere without explicit written authorization from the photographer.

Picture of Cindy Savage | Aisle Less Traveled

Cindy Savage | Aisle Less Traveled

Cindy Savage is the queer, fat, feminist wedding planner behind Aisle Less Traveled and the co-creator/co-host of the Super Gay Wedding podcast. When she's not busy planning unique and creative weddings for the absolute best couples around, she can usually be found wearing stretchy pants with her nose in a book or a craft project in her hands. She currently lives in Seattle with her partner and an assortment of small houseplants.

share this?