Willows Lodge Wedding Venue: Quiet Luxury in Woodinville Wine Country
As Seattle wedding planners who specialize in queer and LGBTQ+ weddings, we know our couples are looking for more than a pretty backdrop. You want a venue that delivers on all fronts: beauty, functionality, inclusivity, and vibes that feel like you. That’s why we love planning a Willows Lodge wedding in Woodinville. This luxury lodge […]
Should LGBTQ+ Couples Get Married Before Trump Takes Office?
On Wednesday, we all woke up to the news we hoped we wouldn’t. As I was browsing social media, of course I saw many of my friends posting about their grief and disappointment. But the other thing I saw – absolutely first thing – was LGBTQ+ folks in wedding planning groups asking, “Should we get legally married now, before Trump takes office in January?”
I’m a queer wedding planner who has been planning LGBTQ+ weddings since before Obergefell v. Hodges made marriage equality the law nationwide. I’m a queer person who’s experienced getting and being married at a time when it was legal in some states but not others. I’m a queer person who has personally protested in the streets for our right to marry. And I’m a queer person who watched what happened to marriages during the Prop 8 legal battle in California.
My answer is yes.
Bridezilla is Just Another Word for Bitch
You know how, in the business world, there’s an impossible standard for women? That one where if you’re too nice, you’re a pushover who can’t get the job done and if you’re getting shit done, you’re mislabeled aggressive and routinely called a bitch? While – at the exact same time in the exact same company – men doing the exact same things are called assertive and seen as leaders?
We have that in weddings, too. There’s an impossible standard here, but what it boils down to is this:
If You Are Not LGBTQ+, You Don’t Get to Educate on LGBTQ+ Inclusivity
The group who organized this should never have brought in a straight person to educated on the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people. And a true LGBTQ+ ally, as this person claims to be, would never, ever accept such a speaking gig. Nor use it to plug her (paid) services, literally profiting off of the pain of LGBTQ+ people.
A true ally would say, “Thanks, but this work is already being done by LGBTQ+ folks. Here are some who could speak on this topic.”
Stonewall was a Riot and Black Lives Matter
Happy Pride to everyone except people who don’t think Black Lives Matter.
Stonewall was a fucking riot led by trans women of color. Black trans and queer lives matter and if you consider yourself an LGBTQ+ ally, you must also support the collective liberation of all oppressed people, which absolutely includes Black, Indigenous, and People of Color who are also LGBTQ+.
The Gift of Queerness
A number of years ago, I happened upon this TED Talk and I was absolutely struck by the line Kim Katrin Milan delivers after describing some of the unconventional choices they made for their city hall wedding:
“The gift of queerness is options.”
This line has been on repeat in my brain ever since. I’ve long thought that we LGBTQ+ folks are privileged in a way by not having wedding traditions and gender roles defined for us by generations past. And I’ve believed for just as long that straight folks are, unfortunately, deprived of this experience; but I’d never heard it summed up so succinctly or perfectly before.
Coronavirus and Your Wedding
The spread of coronavirus has reached a point where it is now inevitable that many weddings will be affected. Here are a wedding planner’s thoughts on the possible effects, outcomes, and paths forward for wedding planning during this unprecedented situation.
Why Are Wedding Planners So F*cking Expensive? (Part 1)
Update: I wrote a part two that talks more about the cost of full-service planning and design. Read it here. You should also know that this post was written in 2019, before massive pandemic-driven inflation. Wedding costs have risen upwards of 20%, just like everything else – so consider the numbers below with that in […]
Women, Weddings, and Emotional Labor
Weddings Are No Exception to the Gendered Division of Emotional and Meta Labor
It should come as no surprise that emotional labor is part of every wedding. Weddings are centered around living up to social expectations, managing people’s feelings, and making people comfortable. I’m sure you’ve already reached the not-at-all-shocking conclusion that women are doing the majority of the emotional labor for weddings, just as in everyday work and home life.
